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The Cloud: Kitty Flanagan

The Cloud: Kitty Flanagan


Kitti the cloud you are going to explain this extremely complex piece of technology. This is funny already. Yeah Hi listen to me. I did some serious research on this and by that. I mean, I looked it up on Wikipedia And here’s Wikipedia’s definition of the cloud. Cloud computing is an information technology Paradigm that enables ubiquitous access to shared pools of configurable system resources. Yeah yeah … but.. So What does that mean in layman’s terms, I think it means Wikipedia doesn’t know either Here’s what I know the term cloud is very misleading It makes you think all my stuff is up there in the atmosphere floating around being protected by Jesus. In reality When you send all your digital files to the cloud whether it’s your photos on your phone your emails music, whatever You’re really just sending stuff to someone else’s much bigger computer. Well whose? Apples got one I think and Google’s got a few. Yeah, and where are they?
Oh, there is one at Apple. There’s another one at the back of Google I think okay Look, how big are these computers Oh Mate, they are massive, Somewhere around like a million megabytes Each That’s a terabyte. That’s, it’s a hard drive about this big. That’s. Common Jack, it’s not the future. The point, I’m trying to make is that the cloud is really just a storage box. But because you can’t see it It’s hard to visualize. That’s why I’ve brought in this big box. Now Imagine my box is the cloud I’m not sure. That’s the best way for anyone to imagine the cloud. Well, yes Yes, it is because look you can put anything in my box. That’s huge Music in there all your digital files the stuff on your laptop. We’ve got your family photos My stuff. Yeah, I just went and took it You went and took my stuff. Yeah. Well, I didn’t ask you because that’s what the cloud does. It just takes you stuff without asking This exactly the same as when I’m cooking my mum just keeps putting stuff away before I’m finished but I’m like mom come on I was still using the bacon and the ham and the butter and the Bailey’s for God Jesus what are you cooking? Oh just a little Saturday morning pick me up, anyway. Just… Wait. Hang on, hang on that, that doesn’t look very secure. I know that’s what makes an exact replica of the cloud. Hang on. Someone is , Someone just went into the box. Into, into my box? Look can we just take the box instead of your book? Look it. That guy. Look this guy. Yeah, who is this guy? This is what happens the cloud gets hacked all the time. I don’t know. He’s got my stuff. I don’t know why People put everything in there honestly. Hang on, people put stuff in there but People put stuff in there because it’s a very easy way to back up your files in it. It’s also very convenient I mean if I can access the cloud from anywhere. 24/7. Anytime I want. Yeah. Right. A Zoot review for the cloud. Well, it’s just so convenient. The point is it’s not safe. We just saw the cloud get hacked right in front of our very eyes. And when you’re about famous people having their photos and email stolen from the cloud all the time. So why don’t we keep putting stuff up there? Let me give you a hypothetical CP. Imagine you had a bunch of dick pics. Okay, okay Hey, look, I don’t have any dick pics, okay? Sorry. Photographs of one’s penis. It’s not the language I’m objecting to I’m saying I don’t have anything like that. Yeah, right. Oh, I just say you do have a whole bunch of them. You give them to me for safekeeping. But then I accidentally leave them on the train. Someone else finds them and suddenly hashtag Chucky’s chubster is trending. Now, I Imagine you’d be pretty pissed off. Yes. Would you ever trust me to look after your stuff again? No Would you say look you lost my stuff once but hey mistakes happen. So listen kitty. I’ve done some more nerdy shots. Okay? Can we just stop with the nude photo analogy? No, no, no hear me out. These would be different They’re nice arty ones, you know Anne Geddes style. Imagine, Penis, Penis on a pumpkin. Or, you know, dick in a flower. That kind of thing. I’m just saying that’s my track record Would you really give me another crack at looking after not only your photos but all your other important documents as well? No, I’m. Of course I wouldn’t. Yeah, exactly. That’s what I’ve been trying to say. The cloud is not safe. The cloud… Hey! …can’t be trusted. Hey. Wait. Who is that? Kitty, Who is that guy? This is what happens, Chuck. Identity theft. Cause you’re putting yo ur stuff in the cloud. But you please thank Kitty Flanagan

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